Marriage Planning

Wedding planning is not for wimps. Turns out, it really isn’t for busy moms with five kids and a full time job either which is probably why it’s recommended you get married young, beFORE children and then stay married. But that’s not how it happened for me. This time. :) And I’m actually happy for that. Why? Well, because at 35, I know so much more than I did at 19...the first time around. For one, I know what I’m getting myself into. Gone are the grand delusions that marriage makes everything perfect and is all starry hearts and butterflies. It is the joining of two different people who are...sometimes...going to disagree. And sometimes? They’re going to be UGLY! (see pink eye reference in yesterday’s blog, for instance...) Sometimes, there are going to be setbacks. Sometimes YOU will have caused them and there will be many opportunities to apologize. At 35, it is so much easier to eat humble pie than at 22, 25, heck even 30.

I have learned I am not invincible or untouchable and that “when you take things for granted, the things you were granted get taken.” I have learned to take accountability for my actions and admit a part in the things that happen to me instead of feigning surprise and wondering how on earth they happened to me. I have learned the valuable tool of stepping back, seeing what I did wrong, apologizing and then correcting it. If everyone could go into a marriage that way...and STAY that way, I think there would be less unhappiness and divorce. Too many people approach marriage...and the world in general...with the, “what’s in it for me?” complex. I’ve found the answer is, “ a lot of hard work and humility.” You know? The world does not end when I don’t get my way and it’s good to say, “Whatever YOU want...” instead of, “I want...I want, I want.” I could go on and on about the things divorce taught me and how it’s prepared me for the future. I won’t.

Instead, I’ll just share that on this journey of choosing colors, picking out a dress, researching songs, cutting out 4,233 felt circles for the centerpieces (close estimate, I was too dizzy to take a final count) and counting rsvps I’ve also made sure to plan the marriage...because long after the party is over and our loved ones have waved us off to our honeymoon (which is still in the planning stages). Long after the favors we painstakingly created are left behind on tables and the food we overestimated is wrapped up (this is my hope)...we’re left with each other... and that’s WAY bigger business than the details we’re sweating at the moment (like “the - other - 40 people - who - haven’t - sent - rsvps - by - the - deadline - so - we - still - don’t - know - how much - food - we - need”... for instance. haha.)

40 days to go.